An American Immigrant Story Part 2

I chose not to bore all of you with the more minute details of our first trip to Ireland. It’s a personal thing and I picked a moment to describe because personal moments don’t always (actually almost never) translate to someone who was not there in the moment. We did return to Ireland a few years later with my brother and my wife’s sister. That too was a great experience, albeit different. For the second trip, we had a condo to ourselves for the week. This meant we had a hub to return to every day or night. It also meant we made trips to grocery stores during the second visit. For an American, grocery stores outside of our own country are always an interesting safari. It’s like stepping through a portal and entering a bizarro world. Everything is sort of there and sort of the same but there are tons of subtle differences which all add up to create a wholly unique daily experience.

But I’m not here to write about this.

I’ve lived in New York my entire life. Growing up in the Hudson Valley afforded me the comfort and space of suburban life while also being within and hour’s drive of the city. I loved being in the city and spent countless hours of countless days record shopping down there, either at Generation Records on Thompson, Kim’s Video (RIP) on St. Marks, or even Bleecker Bob’s (also RIP) on the rare occasion I wished to argue with him over how much money he wanted for Inside Out’s No Spiritual Surrender on blue vinyl (I eventually got that fucker, lol).

But I digress.

The point is, as a New Yorker, I spent nearly my entire life without even so much as laying eyes on the Statue of Liberty. Never even glimpsed it from an airplane seat taking off or returning. My very first sighting of it was in late 2017 when my wife pointed it out to me as we were walking across the Brooklyn Bridge.

“Okay,” I thought. “That’s something, I guess.” I still couldn’t really see it well.

So when, in late 2019, friends were in town from New Mexico and my wife called me to come join everyone to ferry over to the statue, I jumped at the chance. Long story short, it’s a marvel and one that hits you in the heart when you’re there in Lady Liberty’s shadow. She’s unwavering and resolute with her eyes always forward and the time with her is special if you allow it all in. The kicker is, our trip that day was only getting started. Our friends also wanted to see Ellis Island and who were we to stop them? A quick boat ride later and we were disembarking onto Ellis Island and I suddenly found myself overwhelmed. Something dawned on me that I’d never allowed to fully set in until this specific moment in my life. My great grandparents, people dead before I was born, walked this same ground hoping for the kind of life that I’ve been afforded to live. They came to this country in the early 20th century, a long boat ride from Ireland, across the frigid and choppy Atlantic Ocean and arrived at this very spot. It’s a lot to take in.

We entered into the main hall with displays of what life looked like for early immigrants and you’re invited to grab a small phone-like device to aid you on the rest of your trip. Throughout the grounds there are stations where you dial the indicated number and are given a small lesson on a certain aspect of the entire immigration procedure. It’s a wonderfully in-depth and immersive experience. After securing our devices, we walked up the stairs into the main reception room and this folks, smashed me to bits. I dialed the indicated number and sat down on one of the benches in the hall. Through the device, I learned that many of these benches (including the one I was sitting on) are original benches — the very same used by the immigrants waiting to hopefully be approved entry into our country. This meant that for all I knew, I could’ve been sitting in the very same spot as either my great grandfather or great grandmother. Words cannot express what this does to a person. There’s an innate connection from family member to family member and it spans eternity. It never goes away — it can’t.

I sat there, unable to move, for nearly twenty minutes. Of course the tears came because how could they not? I’m a boy who grew to be a man. My family came from Ireland and settled in New York. I was raised by a mother and father who were raised by their respective mothers and fathers who were raised by their respective mothers and fathers. It doesn’t end. So when I think about my mother and father close to me, teaching me something new and then I think about my grandfather teaching me how to skip rocks and my grandmother sneaking me snacks whenever I wanted or allowing me to watch horror movies at a young age and then I think about what their parents taught and showed to them and then I find myself in Ireland where my family began. I think about the soil and the water lapping at the stones of a natural rock Jetty. I think of the toil of a farm, working that lush earth. I can no longer smell the gorgeous scent of peat smoke without getting emotional. All of this swirls inside of me at all times and then I find myself at Ellis Island, where my great grandparents’ names are on that fucking ledger and I’m sitting on the very bench where they sat huddled and hopeful and it’s all the most beautiful goddamn thing in the world.

The connections are real and unbreakable. It doesn’t just mean something, it means everything.

About half of this country needs a lesson in humility and empathy.

Why?

Because it fucking matters.

Sofia Coppola Friday #7 – On The Rocks

I am a sucker for a New York film. I grew up about an hour north of the city. Some of my family grew up in Hell’s Kitchen, some in Queens, some are on Long Island, some in Sleepy Hollow, you get the point. New York is in my blood and my heart. As a kid, I was always excited to go to the city. That never changed. I remember going on school trips to the Museum of Natural History and sneaking out to go record shopping — haggling with the dude at Bleecker Bob’s, going to Kim’s video off of St. Marks and my Holy Grail, Generation Records on Thompson. When I met the woman who I would eventually trick into marrying me, she was living on West 80th. Goddamn I loved that apartment. I remember her introducing me to Big Nick’s and then Vinny’s, where the greatest calzones on the planet reside. Going down to Chinatown to eat at Shanghai Joe’s was always a favorite and for the record, the Chinatown location is the best of the three (we’ve eaten at all of them). It’s set back in an alley and if you’re not there when they open, you may not get the soup dumplings you so crave. There is no English on that menu and the staff is rude in the best possible New York way. I fucking love that place. And don’t get me started on Halal Guys — the greatest 30 minute wait in line you’ll ever have. That food is the greatest fucking thing on planet Earth. Seriously, it’s so good you won’t make it twenty feet before sitting anywhere you can find and digging in, even if it’s snowing (I know this because I’ve seen me do it). I know I’m talking at length about food but that’s because eating is what we always did. When you’re in New York, you’re always on your way to doing something and eating is always a part of that something. New York is always alive, the sidewalks vibrate and breathe, steam rises and random shit fits break out amongst total strangers. And I love and miss it so much.

I haven’t even talked about the Italian restaurant we always ate at, Coppola’s. It’s funny because Coppola’s is what set off this trip down memory lane. The first time I went there I thought it was owned by Francis Ford Coppola. I was an idiot but there it is.

Anyway, the reason I bring all of this up is that Sofia Coppola’s newest film, On The Rocks, is set in New York. It’s her first film set in the greatest city in the world and good goddamn did she shoot the ever loving shit out of this film. It just FEELS like New York. I can smell it and I love it and it brings memories flooding in like a dam broke.

And finally, we’re ready to fully dig in to Sofia Coppola’s seventh feature film, On The Rocks. I’m not going to quite dig into spoilers because this film is so new. I want people to experience this film fresh, like I did. With that said, we will still get into the themes Coppola explores.

On The Rocks is the story of Laura (Rashida Jones) and her dad Felix (Bill Murray). She’s stuck in life and fearing that her husband (Marlon Wayans) has fallen out of love with her to the point that he’s cheating on her. Felix is a wealthy art dealer and a bit of a cad. He loves his daughter and perhaps he loves everything in life a bit too much. He cheated on Laura’s mother and then left. He’s a womanizer and heavy drinker — always up for a party. Laura leans on her father and he takes this opportunity to embroil her in a caper to catch Laura’s husband Dean in an affair.

From the start, we are all the way in Laura’s shoes. We feel her paranoia and how she begins looking at everyone sideways. Her trust in Dean is eroding and so we do not trust Dean. More than this, we feel the loneliness Laura is experiencing. She’s surrounded by millions of people but the one she wants is never around. She suffers paralysis with her work and is overwhelmed with the task of raising two children by herself. Coppola adds two nice touches to cement Laura’s uncomfortable stasis: making boxed macaroni and cheese in a Le Crouset and then that fucking Roomba just banging away on every possible surface. I love these subtle touches.

At her breaking point, her father calls and then shows up. Now it’s Felix time and man does he rule. Bill Murray is the only actor who could play this role and Rashida Jones is the perfect foil for his antics. They come across as a real life father and daughter. Again, perhaps Coppola’s greatest strength is her ability to cast to the role. Their dialog is so crisp and rat-a-tat-tat on point yet natural. One of the “big” scenes of the film is when Felix convinces Laura to tail Dean to a business dinner. Felix, in a near broke down convertible, with caviar and champagne as a snack, is ridiculously hilarious in this sequence. Murray turns into a teenage boy before our eyes as he runs red lights, cuts people off, speeds, bottoms out, and does it all while cackling. They eventually get pulled over by the police and well, that scene ends up being even funnier. In fact, this is easily Coppola’s funniest film. It resembles a madcap road trip film as much as it does a mediation on married life. It’s great at the former but the latter is where the film truly shines.

Felix and Dean share a scene at the door to their building that gave me goosebumps. It’s a father and a husband, who size each other up and let one another know something about the other without actually giving up much ground. Like I said, goosebumps. It’s here where we begin to understand Felix a little better. He’s not just being a protective father. Felix sees some of himself in Dean. Felix is beginning to reckon with his past failures. He doesn’t know how to change but he knows that his lifestyle has consequences for others. The film takes us down to Mexico near the end and Felix again unfurls a bit more. He confesses to Laura why he did what he did and it’s proof that in life and love there are no easy answers. He knows he’s wrong but he’s finally being honest about why he did what he did. It’s wonderfully naked. For her part, Laura does not allow Felix off the hook. She gives him his medicine. He’s earned it and even though he may not like it, he knows it’s deserved. It’s tough for us because Felix is so likable. Maybe he reminds us of people in our own lives. Telling someone you love that you’re angry or disappointed or even disgusted by their actions doesn’t mean you don’t love them — it’s the opposite. Love requires honesty. Again, there are no easy answers.

This is what Coppola is pointing out to us above all else. The film is about relationships and the give and take they require. Relationships cannot be a one-way street. Marriage cannot exist without work. Love cannot work without trust.

Another great film from Sofia Coppola — one I will be rewatching over and again. Next week, our wrap-up. Until then, love each other.