Lost – A New Poem

Wandering the desert

Alone and without sight

How did I arrive here?

Filled with anger and fright

*

My boots are too heavy

And the sand stings my eyes

Words no longer matter

Built of nothing but lies

*

To my knees I stumble

Come now deliverance

It’s the unvarnished truth

I am my own hindrance

*

Rolling onto my back

Staring through pain and hurt

Vultures begin their dance

My death in this desert

*

My Week Striking Out by Failing To Watch Anything Good And Instead Watching The Little Things

I intended to watch some Wong Kar Wai this week and failed. I also intended to watch some Wim Wenders and failed at that as well. I did decide to watch the film, The Little Things, on HBO before it left the service and that definitely counts as my third strike. What an aggressively mediocre experience. I know I try to stay as positive as possible on this page and guess what? That IS me being positive. It’s such a hackneyed, slapped together production. The film is obsessed with procedure while having no knowledge of said procedure. The film has no ending and this has noting to do with (SPOILER ALERT) not solving the murder. I don’t care about that. Leaving a mystery open ended is fine and often allows the viewer to chew on something for time to come. I love it when a film gets it right. Take Fincher’s film, Zodiac, for example. They couldn’t possibly solve the murders because the real life perpetrator was never apprehended. Yet, that film still left us with plenty to chew on while nailing every other aspect of the case.

But that’s David Fincher. He’s always going to get the details correct.

This film is so aggro in painting Leto’s character as the villain all while ignoring the simple fact that he couldn’t have possibly been the killer. The filmmaker in question openly admitted that he had never decided whether Leto was or wasn’t the killer. Um what? You’re the motherfucking writer, my guy — you HAVE to know. Leto questioned him on this to a shrug and a, “you decide,” from the filmmaker. Great, just great. What they did do was litter the film with “clues” suggesting he was and “clues” suggesting he was not. What this “technique” accomplishes is only the muddying of waters. If you litter your story with ways a person could not possibly be a killer, guess what, he CANNOT BE THE KILLER. The rest is fake bullshit serving to throw us off the scent. It is downright idiotic. Like, I’m really angry about this because it is just so fucking stupid. The film never gets off the ground because there is literally no killer — they never bothered to write one. Does that make sense? Every film, every work of fiction, is a construct. When you fail to fully construct the world around your main characters, you’ve failed and the audience knows it.

But that’s enough about that.

My wife and I also watched the Golden Globes because we like to bet on who can guess the most correct answers. She wins every year but neither of us score high enough for bragging rights. My thoughts on the winners and losers? I don’t care. I loved Nomadland and was happy for Chloe Zhao. The moments I latched onto were when the winners’ families went nuts. That’s what these things are really about. I couldn’t care less if I ever won an award. Sure, it’s a nice feeling to have someone tell you that they liked your work — that proves you made a connection and connection is what it’s all truly about. The moment I would cherish is for my family. Knowing how much they love me and seeing the pride and excitement, that would be cool. My parents, specifically, would love it and I would be happy for them. Seeing the daughter of Minari’s director say, “I prayed, I PRAYED,” was THE moment for me. She was so damn proud of her papa. Sudeikis’ speech was great too and Cheadle taking a cue to accent Jason’s point was comedic timing perfection.

This has been my report on the awards ceremony of this past week. I hope this makes it on, “You Heard With Perd.”

As for the rest of my time, I’ve been writing a ton. Ultimately, I did decide to work on two projects at once. My collection of childhood stories is nothing more than getting them all onto the page for the first time. The next step will be to shape them and determine exactly what I wish to say about them and life in general. For now, the stories are being written as plain as possible and I’ve already outlined my crime thriller. I’ve known these characters for years and three of them have already been featured in a short story. I’m excited to get started and more than anything, to see where these characters take me. I always allow this to happen and for me, it’s always best. Roughly outline the basics of a plot and then allow the characters to dictate what actually happens. Often, the outline barely resembles the finished product but it’s purpose is only to fire the starting gun. Start the marathon and then provide small doses of water throughout the test of endurance.

For next week, there are a few films I’d like to see and give my thoughts on. Films like Volition, Saint Maud, and maybe I’ll get to a Wong Kar Wai or a Wim Wenders. No promises.

Until then, love each other.

The Dreamer – A New Poem

What if this world were nothing more than a whisper, spoken into the ears of a sleeping child?

Would you still wish to wake?

*

The sun and stars are papier-mâché memories of a time come and gone — remnants of a buried God.

*

The wind is a tickle and it all falls away to reveal an empty box.

Would you wish to see inside?

*

To hold your heart in your own hands is to know love. But it is granular like the fine sand of an eroding beach.

*

A floating corpse smiles and breathes life into the decay. And you see only in colors, brilliant and fractal.

Would you force your eyes shut?

*

Sleep. If you wake, it dies and you will go with it. The clock ticks and the clock tocks but there are no hands to guide you.

The pain you feel lets you know it’s real but the pain is wrong. The pain is false.

Would you still heed its warnings?

*

Questions abound with answers absent.

You still ask.

You will always ask — there is no question to this.

An answer is like a death as the mystery evaporates into the ether.

The dream perishes and you wake into the pitch black of nothing.

You scream with no sound, feel with no touch, hear nothing but deafening silence.

*

To know the dreamer is to know yourself.

Would you dare?

*

Ghost Dog And Nomadland Walk Into A Bar And Gangs Of London Destroys It

I’m retreating, further and further, into stories these days. The world is increasingly made up of vitriolic people only concerned with their own immediate and selfish desires. It’s tough to take. Maybe it’s just the result of losing a year of our lives to this pandemic but we’d almost certainly not have lost nearly this amount of time had adults been in charge over the past year.

I digress.

My novel is out of my brain and into the hands of people deciding whether or not to release it into the wild and I’ve already begun work on my next project. I know I stated last week that I have two ideas worth following right now but for the time being, I’m focusing on one of them — a memoir…of sorts. Families tell stories and build legends. These stories are passed on from generation to generation with small details changing until the stories resemble very little of the truth originally behind them. None of this matters. The core is the core and as long as that remains, the rest is fair play to the storyteller. I have a lifetime of stories, some of which have been passed down and many others which I have experienced myself. It’s been a fun project to check back in with the family house on memory lane and I hope to honor the history of my own crazy family by gifting these stories to the rest of the world.

In the meantime and more precisely, in my downtime, I’ve been watching some movies (and a show) that have been long on my “to do” list. I watched Jim Jarmusch’s brilliant Ghost Dog: The Way Of The Samurai. I told you all that I’ve been meaning to do a re-watch and I finally did just that over the weekend. What I didn’t expect was to have that movie blown off the map by something else.

First, I’ll deal with Ghost Dog. The film is perfectly crafted for what it is and aims to be. It’s lazy and hypnotic in equal measure. The story goes nowhere while, at the same time, teaching us all real life lessons worth a lifetime. The RZA’s score is impeccable — a low key masterpiece of film scoring. Every note and beat accents each scene and builds upon itself, constructing a welcome soundscape to get lost inside of. Jarmusch’s camera is stagnant and slow, capturing everything in Ghost Dog’s periphery. It’s so effective by allowing us to feel alive inside this world. We focus on the insects and the birds. The sound design compliments everything else and finishes off our immersion. We can feel the heat on our backs and smell the sickly sweet aroma of a parked ice cream truck. The writing is sparse and simple but extremely effective. Why waste words? Looking back, I believe Jarmusch has been an enormous influence on filmmakers like Nicolas Winding Refn. These artists come across more like painters than filmmakers sometimes — living and breathing in the abstract while forcing us onto their wavelength. They create portraits and allow those portraits to speak for themselves. It can be challenging but when this type of material connects, it lands harder than anything else. I find it all much more rewarding than anything else. Ghost Dogs still holds up, all these years later.

I’m skipping the big one for a moment to speak on two other viewings real quick. First, the film I Care A Lot, starring Rosamund Pike, Eiza Gonzalez, Peter Dinklage, and Dianne Wiest. I dug the hell out of this film. It’s acerbic as all get out and possesses the psychopathic heart of a serial killer. Rosamund Pike is one of the most interesting actors working today. She is always in absolute command, not just in every film but every single scene she is in. Study her even when she’s not speaking. Her body language, face, hair, posture, they are all speaking volumes at all times. For his part, Dinklage is a titan. He’s able to create a palpable sense of thoughtful danger at every moment in this film. You cannot remove your eyes from him. Last, Dianne Wiest. My goodness is she great in this film. She always come across so sweet and delicate, like a favorite family member. Here, she uses this to create a quiet sense of constant menace. I’ve never seen her like this before and I hope awards voters do not forget her performance here later on this year.

Next, the streaming service AMC+ has a British drama on offer called Gangs Of London. It stars one of the guys from Peaky Blinders and mama Stark from Game of Thrones. I don’t even know why I bring that up because it makes little difference. The important aspect is that this show is made by Gareth Evans, the psychopathic director of the two Raid films.

Side note: Raid 2 is far better than the first film. I’ll be taking no questions on this topic.

The story here is fine but typical. The show is well acted and competently presented in every other aspect. The reason for it’s existence is as a showcase for insanely creative violence. I love grounded, martial arts infused fisticuffs. I grew up on Bruce Lee. Evans needs to be on some sort of watch list because his brain is demented. These fight scenes are absolute batshit fucking bananas — all of the superlatives apply. Episode six is basically a one hour long gun fight war battle royale to the death between a band of gypsies and a Nordic hit squad. I mean, my gawd! That’s where I’ve left off and I have no idea how they’re going to top that.

And finally, the movie that blew me away and then some: Nomadland.

Frances McDormand can do no wrong. She has always been one of my favorites, ever since Blood Simple. Chloe Zhao directs her (and the rest of the film) with a plain spoken grace. There isn’t much dialog and what we do get is short back and forths which inform us of lifetimes lived by these people. Every single shot of this film could be a post card. It’s a wonderful story about the beating, human heart still trying even in the face of complete devastation. I believe McDormand and David Straithairn are the only actual actors in the film. Everyone else on camera is an untrained actor, most of whom are really living the nomad life. This all adds up to build an indisputable effect of realism. Every setting feels lived in — every frame alive. The film raises up our own defiance of societal norms, allowing us, if only for a moment, the ability to cut through our own daily bullshit and take stock on what is truly important. It’s easily the best film of the year and the one I’m rooting for to win everything it’s currently and hopefully nominated for.

That’s it. That’s enough. Other writing to do. Next week, Hopefully I will have watched Judas and the Black Messiah by then. If not, who knows? Until then, love each other.

Tunnel – A New Poem

You appear in a tunnel

Amidst the flickering light

Moving pictures tell a story

Of love, loss and fights

*

The shadows are ever hungry

And will swallow you whole

Plunging the tunnel into darkness

Obscuring your heart and soul

*

The platform disappears

And you plummet into absence

Grasping for purchase

To regain some substance

*

The struggle is the point

A test of wills infernal

And from this tunnel you’ll emerge

Into the sunshine eternal

*

The Life OF A Novel AKA An Idiot’s Guide To Livin’

Still nothing. Instead of watching any of the films I mentioned last week and in lieu of beginning my next long form project on the Coen Brothers, I’m still being as random as possible. Easily distracted, that’s what they call it and that’s what I am — no question. But, you may ask, what have I been doing?

I finished my novel and that has been enough for this week. Countless revisions later and now I am…comfortable with the book. I don’t think I’ll ever be fully satisfied with anything I write but there comes a point where you have to ship your little mutant baby off to school. My novel began as an eighty-eight thousand word screenplay, twenty two years ago. The title was so pretentious that I am not going to share it here. A production company in England told me it read like a mashup of Conan The Barbarian and Animal House. I thanked them. They told me that it wasn’t a compliment. I worked on something else. The story always stuck in the back of my mind but I left it for awhile. Then, Muse released their album, The Resistance, and closed the album with a three part rock symphony called, Exogenesis. A spark ignited. I pulled the screenplay and made changes — many, many changes. The screenplay was dead and in it’s place appeared a one hundred and twenty-five thousand word novel. It sucked. I knew it and anyone brave enough to read it, knew it. Time to make changes. I chopped some nonsense from the novel and then had a one hundred and ten thousand word beast. I called my agent to see what we could do about this but found out he’d apparently died in between my projects. The agency wasn’t looking to represent literary writers, only screenwriters. My goose was cooked. Time to make some new rounds but to no avail. Something with the novel still bothered me, something was missing — I wasn’t saying what I wanted to say and didn’t know how to say it. I shelved the novel. I returned to writing short stories and making blog posts. Writing depression set in as I’d given up a writing gig that was beginning to pay in order to pursue the novel and I’d failed. I couldn’t see the way out.

The way out is through — always.

We can fast forward to the year 2020. I found myself again giving up a good paying job in order to move clear across the country — from New York to El Paso, Texas. Time to write. I finished two short stories quickly and then set my sights on a new novel. Going to my file of ideas, I started picking one which connected. Nothing connected right away but something unexpected wormed its way back into my brain. The Violent Winds. I began writing short stories involving my main characters as a way to better understand them. This method worked wonders and my voice finally found itself. I knew how to tell this story. Blasted out an outline. Completely scrapped all previous versions of the novel and started over from word one. I wrote like a demon and then revised. And then revised some more. And then revised again. And then thought maybe I’d revised too much so I revised again. I’m done and it’s pretty close to how I always wanted this story to be told. It’s me and it’s from me but it’s also a bit of itself and it’s weird in a way I didn’t initially expect but it’s a lean and mean eighty-two thousand word reading machine.

So that is, as they say, that. We’ll see what happens. First things first, I need a new agent.

Segway aka what I originally thought I’d be writing about today.

I watched the 2019 French film, Les Miserables this week and thought it was pretty good. An interesting story about police brutality. I also re-watched several favorites like Hot Fuzz, On The Rocks, and Heat. All great but Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In Hollywood really stuck out for me this week. Now, I saw this film twice in theaters and have probably watched it six or seven more times since then. I love the film and now I know exactly why: it represents exactly the type of movie which no longer gets made. I miss movies that are movies. I miss not being sold something by some giant corporate entity while watching a movie. QT makes movies about people and movies about people living their lives, ending up in interesting situations. I miss those the most. So, here’s to you, movies not trying to sell me shit and only being about your own shit, I salute you.

Next week, who knows? I’m about to start a new novel. Two ideas have raced to the front: a crime novel and a memoir. A memoir? Lmfao. Well, I am an idiot and I’ve done some idiotic things in my younger life and when I wrote all of those things down, I thought maybe there could be something there. We’ll see. I’ll probably begin writing both at the same time because, like I said, I am an idiot. Until then, love each other.

A Wednesday In February aka The Birthday Party Fiasco

The intention was to fill in with a few supplemental weeks before launching into the next Friday series. I was leaning toward the Coen Brothers. That’s eighteen films. That’s a lot. Now, I love the Coens, even their lesser works are wildly interesting but eighteen gave me pause. I’ve seen them all and know what to expect but four and a half straight months?

Maybe I’m just being a baby.

Still, I never sat down and put anything on. I was planning on watching Ghostdog but didn’t. I could’ve chosen Moonstruck or The New World — all films I own and love and have been meaning to do a rewatch on. I did none of it.

So, what do I have to talk about today?

I could talk about the impeachment trial but it will only serve to aggravate me. When you see a trial and on one side is a multitude of mild mannered, measured, plain spoken people while on the other side is a group of maniacs, yelling in absurd riddles AND THEN knowing that over seventy million people support the group of wannabe con artists, it’s tough to not fly into a rage myself.

Thennnnnnn what?

So yesterday, a friend of ours had a birthday. The celebration took place over skype. Wine, Prosecco, etc. was being consumed WHILE SETTING UP THE GET TOGETHER. Yeah, that went well. More booze. Tons of laughs. I kicked things off by getting stoned and quickly bowing out of the festivities to find something to watch. Maybe a Coen Brothers film? No? Too easy and obvious? Oh, I know, I watched Ghostdog or any of the other films I listed at the top. No, I did not. I put on Friday.

And you know this…man.

But it was on USA and the cursing was all edited and I cannot be bothered with that nonsense. Turned on HBO. Showtime. STARZ. The Spectrum channels.

“Give me something!” I yelled.

Boom. White Men Can’t Jump.

I love this movie. I love how cool Wesley Snipes is. I love how almost cool Woody Harrleson is. When I was thirteen and this film originally released, I was in love with Rosie Perez. The script is great and really nails the camaraderie of playing basketball — the competition (even with your teammate(s)) and the shit talking. I grew up playing a ton of basketball — lucky enough to have my own hoop and paved halfcourt area to play. Did I play in parks and the streets? Yep, did that too. I remember how annoying it was to see the chain link nets because kids would either destroy or steal the knitted nets. It also destroyed your ball. A friend of mine had a portable set up that we’d pull out into the street and run two-on-two tournaments all day long on Saturdays. White Men Can’t Jump captures all of this and it was a great two hours yesterday.

But the party!

Yeah, it was still going on and my wife had moved onto her second (third) bottle of wine. I was still pretty smacked — adding Prosecco to the weed will do that to you. I needed another movie.

Flip those channels. Flip, flip those channels.

Seven. Motherfucking. Psychopaths.

Here. We. Go.

Martin McDonagh is one of my favorite writers (and now) filmmakers. An Irish playwright going the Hollywood route and he’s three for three in my book. In Bruges is one of my all time favorite films. Go watch it. Do you hafta? Do you HAFTA? OF COURSE YOU DON’T FUCKING HAFTA! But you should. Seven Psychopaths was his second feature, smack dab in between Bruges and Three Billboards. Colin Farrell plays an alcoholic screenwriter. He’s suffering writer’s block. Sam Rockwell is his best friend, an actor, also the ring leader of a dog napping ring and he’s something else as well (spoilers). Christopher Walken is another friend who’s a part of the dog napping ring and oh baby does he have a past. Woody Harrelson is a gangster who is the victim of the latest dog napping. Tom Waits shows up as a weirdo with a rabbit and an ominous way of speaking. The dialog is insane (the eye for an eye debate is a favorite of mine). The performances are all great and Walken, my god, Walken is so good in this.

So that movie ended and the party finally began to wind down. But the booze wasn’t finished (and neither was the weed). My wife passed out across the bed. I watched a few episodes of Arrested Development.

And then at some point in the night, our chihuahua shit all over the couch.

That was my Wednesday, folks.

And now here I sit, on Thursday. Couch cushion covers out of the washing machine and drying. My wife is recovering and I am here trying to figure out what to write about.

You’re welcome, America.

Next Friday, hopefully something about film. Until then, love each other.